Married by Japan
by Cinaed Born Of Fire
Summary: When Trunks is tricked into going on the show Married by Japan, will it turn out to be the hell he thinks it is, or something far better? *Shounen ai*


Married by Japan  
  
(Warnings: There will be shounen ai in this fic. That means guys with guys in sexual relationships, so on and so forth.  
  
Disclaimers: All of the nameless people (and the named girls) have no commercial value and are meant only to amuse. The people you actually recognize belong to Toriyama.  
  
Author's Notes: This a parody of Married by America, which I turned off in disgust after watching the show for all of fifteen minutes... Possibly one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen. But it did give me an idea for a parody! Married by Japan actually has people that he knows vaguely as the candidates, however. I didn't want to diss Japan and I think they're smarter than us. Remember to read and review! ~Cinaed)  
  
Married by Japan  
  
"Mom, why the hell am I doing this?" Trunks Briefs demanded, a hint of irritation slipping into his voice as his mother smirked and flicked imaginary dust from his pale blue tuxedo.  
  
"Because it'll make us money, dear; and besides, you can stay married to her for six months and then get divorced. It's really not a big deal," declared the blue-haired woman as she took a step back and surveyed her scowling son.  
  
Trunks' silky hair was combed so that not a single strand of the pale lavender was out of place. A petulant frown marred his otherwise dazzling features as he arched an elegant eyebrow at his mother's statement. The pale blue tuxedo brought out his sapphire orbs for eyes and complimented his muscular frame. His thick glasses had been carefully hidden and Bulma had cajoled him into wearing contacts so his strong, willful visage was there for all to see.  
  
"Not a big deal? This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of! Marry a woman I barely know? Whose idiotic idea was this?" The president of Capsule Corporation's growl was so much like Vegeta's that Bulma blinked and almost reconsidered her plot to gain more publicity.  
  
The key word in that sentence being almost.  
  
"I have no idea, honey, but it's time to go to the show!" she chirped, ignoring his glare as she tugged on his hand.  
  
"Please tell me that you've forbidden all of our friends to watch this."  
  
"Was I supposed to?"  
  
Trunks groaned and resisted the urge to slap himself in the forehead. Why, why had he signed that paper without reading it over first? Damn Mother and her tricks.  
  
~*~  
  
"Hello folks, and welcome to Married by Japan!" The announcer paused as the crowds of people with way too much free time on their hands cheered loudly. "I'm your host, and today we've got a very lucky bachelor who I'm sure you all know. Let me introduce thirty-year-old Trunks Briefs, the richest man in the world and heir to the Capsule Corporation fortune!"  
  
The lights dimmed briefly before brightening and revealing a very unhappy president sulking on the stage, his arms folded against his chest in a Vegeta-like manner. When the crowds burst into cheers once more, he glared at them with such animosity that many people in the crowd gulped and fell silent.  
  
As the clapping faltered at Trunks' fierce look, the announcer grabbed the microphone and grinned. "Well, Mr. Briefs, today is your lucky day! The show has chosen twenty-five lovely ladies to be candidates for your future wife. With help from the audience, they will narrow the candidates down to five, and then your family and friends will choose the lucky girl!" The broadcaster beamed. "What do you have to say about that?"  
  
"Shut up and go get laid," was the snarled reply, and the announcer blinked, his smile faltering.  
  
"E-Excuse me?"  
  
"My mother's forcing me to do this. I'd like to remain a bachelor, thank you very much." Trunks stared at the blinking man as if the human would be stupid enough to try and challenge him.  
  
"Um, well, look at that, folks! He's certainly a ladies' man."  
  
"I'm not a ladies' anything," Trunks snapped, shifting from one foot to the other. His heart twisted in his chest. God, please don't let any of the Earth's Special Forces be watching this. The half Saiya-jinn would never hear the end of it. Then the words of the broadcaster actually sunk in, and he bit back an irritated growl. His /friends/ were going to help Vegeta and Bulma made him miserable? Damn.  
  
The announcer blinked a couple more times before inching away from the lavender-haired bachelor. Coughing nervously, he flashed a dampened grin at the now-silent crowd. "How about we send Trunks to the back room and let the candidates come out and introduce themselves?"  
  
"Fine by me," grumbled the aforementioned half Saiya-jinn as he stormed back into the wings.  
  
As soon as Trunks was out of the view of the cameras, a hand clamped down on his tuxedo, pinning him in place. The president didn't even blink and instead turned with a skyward eyebrow.  
  
"Trunks, you're supposed to play along!" Bulma let her hands drop to her waist as she frowned at her older child. Who, naturally, frowned right back.  
  
"No. You may have legal rights to keep me from bolting out of this stupid place, but the form never said I had to pretend to be happy about this arrangement of yours." The son of Vegeta was quite matter-of-fact about the loophole he had found, and he earned a disappointed look from his mother.  
  
"Don't worry, Trunks, we'll find you a wonderful mate," she assured him, to which he snorted.  
  
"I don't want a wife, Mom. Can't you get that through your head?" The half Saiya-jinn's tone bordered on disrespect, but there was also an underlying tone of despondency in his words.  
  
"Do you ever want someone to love?" The question came suddenly, and softer than Bulma's normally demanding volume.  
  
For a second, Trunks' self-control crumbled, and his mother saw the brief look of pain that flitted across his handsome features before he regained that control and managed a look of disdain. "No."  
  
Without another word, the man stalked farther away from the stage, his blazing blue gaze warning anyone who meandered past him that he wasn't in the mood for idle chitchat.  
  
~*~  
  
"Hello, I'm Leila, and I'm, like, twenty-six years old. I'm a secretary at Capsule Corporation, and I've, like, known that Trunks was the one for me ever since I, like, came to work at the office five years ago. I'm thoughtful and gentle, and I'll, like, never desert him!" gushed the crimson-haired beauty that smiled charmingly and flounced away from the microphone.  
  
The final contestant stepped up to the microphone, and immediately blushed. "Um, hi." Her quiet, alto voice was a bare squeak before she cleared her throat and smiled bashfully. "I'm Tina, and I've known Trunks since we were children. I may not be brightest person in the world, but I've known him long enough to know that he'd be miserable with someone who was just after him for the money. I swear that I'm not a gold-digger, and I-I care for him for who he is." Her self-conscious smile widened slightly as she waved before hurrying away from the microphone, her long locks of ebon flying away from her tanned visage as she did so.  
  
~*~  
  
"Trunks?" The soft call of his mother earned a sigh as he began to trudge back to the show. He was never going to forgive Bulma for this.  
  
As he stalked towards the stage with its blinding lights, his mind strayed back to his mother's question. Did he ever want someone to love? Of course, didn't everyone! But he could never have his beloved. Bulma had seen to that. Darkness entered those pale blue eyes before the orbs frosted over. Well, time to go back to Hell.  
  
He stepped onto the stage, blinking as the lights blinded him once more. The announcer waved him over, but he turned instead to glare at the twenty- five girls who thought they had a chance with /him/. Oh, he recognized most of them, and focused on those he remembered with enough hatred that some of them blanched and hid behind each other.  
  
A very Vegeta-like smirk toyed with his lips before Trunks raised an eyebrow at the broadcaster. "Get on with it."  
  
The cool statement earned another blink of bewilderment before the man cleared his throat and began. "Thank you, audience, for helping marvelous night! The final five are-" He shuffled the note cards nervously before reading the names. "-Ako, Kate, Alyssa, Leilani, and Tina."  
  
Trunks noticed the announcer sounded slightly surprised at the final name, and smirked a little, wondering who this unexpected woman was.  
  
"Trunks, we'd like you to meet Ako!" announced the broadcaster, and an Asian girl sashayed forward to beam at him.  
  
Trunks' scowl sent her walking briskly back to her original position, a dark blush on her visage.  
  
"Next, meet Kate!" A pretty redhead wearing a low cut dress sidled her way forward to smile at him, tottering atop enormous heels. Had she forgotten that Trunks was fairly short?  
  
His glare sent her stumbling back to stand, cringing, beside Ako.  
  
"Alyssa!" The announcer ushered forward an ash-blonde who raised a suggestive eyebrow towards the half Saiya-jinn.  
  
Trunks glared back with enough venom in his frosty gaze to make her bite her lip and not look so enticing.  
  
"Leilani!" The Hawaiian, after seeing his scowls towards her fellow contestants, didn't look quite so certain of herself, but nevertheless inclined her head towards the lavender-haired man.  
  
He didn't move, and instead snorted in disdain, making Leilani blush hotly and slink behind Alyssa.  
  
"And finally, Tina." Again, the announcer had sounded slightly disbelieving.  
  
The ebon-haired woman who stepped forward and simply rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment wasn't what Trunks had been expected. Her mortified smile suggested that she also had been tricked into doing this. Her deep obsidian eyes met his for a brief second before she blushed and glanced away. Her thick longs fell nearly to her neck, the straight locks seeming to have a will of their own. A black brooch hid most of her smooth neck from view, and she was-wearing /normal/ clothes? Tina was clad in tan slacks and a crimson dress shirt that didn't really compliment her.  
  
Trunks blinked, an odd thought that she looked very familiar flashing through his head. He shook his head to clear it, knowing he probably had a puzzled look on his face, just in time for the announcer to declare, "All right, Mr. Briefs, you can go back into the wings while your family and friends question these five!"  
  
The half Saiya-jinn glanced at the front row and immediately spotted Bulma, Vegeta, a snickering Bra, a giggling Pan, Goku, Chi-Chi, and Gohan. A smirk curved his lips, and he called out to the five girls, "Enjoy talking to my father."  
  
As several of them went white and Vegeta smirked in cruel amusement, Trunks headed back towards the safety of the wings.  
  
~*~  
  
Twenty minutes later, Bulma found Trunks in the dressing room, pacing the room and scowling at something only he could see. Burning sapphire turned upon the woman as she entered, and his mother rolled her eyes.  
  
"Come on, Trunks. Time to meet your future spouse," she stated, a small smirk curving her lips.  
  
"Which whore did you choose for me?" Trunks demanded, a bitter note to his voice.  
  
"Hey, Tina is not a whore!" As the half Saiya-jinn raised an eyebrow, his mother realized she had been tricked and blushed hotly. "Um, try to act surprised?"  
  
"Oh, I'll be stunned," was his dry reply as he stalked from the safety of his dressing room, back towards the stage and his future wife.  
  
~*~  
  
"Welcome back, Mr. Briefs! Are you ready to meet your future wife?"  
  
Trunks narrowed his eyes and said coldly, "What did I say about you talking to me?"  
  
"Um, well, nothing, sir," squeaked the announcer, backing up a step and going white.  
  
"Fine then, I'm telling you now to either shut up and hurry up with idiotic spectacle or talk to me and get your nose broken." The half Saiya- jinn could hear Vegeta's snickering in the silence that ensued.  
  
"Sorry, sir," mumbled the broadcaster before he motioned the five girls to step forward, closer to them.  
  
As the women stood before him, their anxious faces awaiting the answer, Trunks studied the girl called Tina. She was still blushing and kept looking out into the audience as if to catch someone's eye. Probably the person who had coerced into doing this. The president of Capsule Corporation could understand her mortification. If he was prone to embarrassment, he would have died of it by now. Her hands couldn't seem to keep still, because she kept absently running her fingers through her ebon locks or toying with the black brooch on her neck. When she finally noticed Trunks' gaze, she turned bright pink and offered him a weak smile.  
  
"And the woman that his friends and family chose was. Tina?"  
  
As the announcer stumbled on the name and looked shocked, Trunks raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly at the now beet-red woman. She cautiously stepped forward so that they were face to face.  
  
"So, who put you up to this?"  
  
"Um, your mom," admitted Tina, her dark eyes widening slightly in surprise at his question. She grinned goofily, the grin tugging at Trunks' memory banks. "How'd you guess that someone put me up to this?"  
  
"Probably because you keep blushing and glancing out at the audience," the half Saiya-jinn said, his words tinged with amusement.  
  
To his surprise, Tina rolled her eyes and gestured at her casual clothes. "You would be embarrassed too if Bulma made you look like this."  
  
"I like it. It's better than the whore outfits that the other women were wearing." He ignored the hisses of outrage that followed his statement.  
  
"Yeah, well, thanks." Still blushing, the woman rubbed the back of her neck and laughed nervously.  
  
It was if someone had poured ice cold water down his shirt at the gesture. Sapphire eyes widened to the point of looking like saucers as Trunks stared in complete astonishment.  
  
"Finally, the brat gets it," he vaguely heard Vegeta mutter, followed by Chi-Chi shushing him.  
  
"What the hell?" Despite the inquiry, the lavender-haired man began to grin: a wide, amused smile. "How did my mom managed to get you into this, Chibi?"  
  
Son Goten rolled his eyes, still grinning. "Well, you obviously didn't want to get married, so we figured we'd do a huge scandal instead."  
  
"Well, damn, and here I was hoping you actually had plans to seduce me," stated Trunks in a teasing tone, though the amusement didn't reach his eyes, which watched his best friend anxiously.  
  
"Oh, I do, but only after the wedding. After all, we get to have a wedding night." Even as Goten grinned impishly, his eyes betrayed his sincerity.  
  
As the two men gazed at each other for a long moment, both grinning rather stupid grins that only love-struck people can manage, the announcer cleared his throat. When they ignored him, the man fidgeted and finally declared, "Well, it's time for Tina here to go put on her wedding dress!"  
  
At that, Goten turned wide eyes upon the announcer. "What?" His cry made Trunks wince, and the half Saiya-jinn offered the other an apologetic look before he frowned at the man. "I'm not wearing a dress!"  
  
As Trunks snickered, the announcer and the part Saiya-jinn began to argue fiercely over wearing the traditional white dress. Goten thought the outfit he was wearing was perfectly fine.  
  
"Oh, come on, Chibi. You /must/ wear the traditional white at the very least." The look Goten turned on him was testy, and Trunks smirked in response, reaching out to grab the other man's hand. "And we have to get your hair back to normal."  
  
Ignoring the curious crowd, the two walked hand in hand into the wings, heading towards Trunks' dressing room.  
  
~*~  
  
"Now /that/ was one of the most satisfying things I've ever done," the lavender-haired man declared after he slammed the door in the faces of the announcer and several cameramen. He turned to see Goten rolling his eyes.  
  
"I still can't believe Bulma tricked you into this," was the black- haired Saiya-jinn's comment, earning a slight frown.  
  
"Neither can I." Trunks raised an eyebrow. "I still can't believe that my mom got you to cross-dress."  
  
Goten flushed once more, looking embarrassed as he fiddled with the brooch on his neck. "Well, the show wouldn't have let me on if I was a guy."  
  
"Well, they're going to marry us as man and spouse," Trunks declared, watching the way Goten's slender fingers unclasped the brooch and dropped it on a nearby table.  
  
Immediately, the son of Goku altered for the better. His locks sprang up to their normal messy spikes, and the feminine characteristics of his face vanished, leaving only Goten. When he grinned and spoke, it was with his normal voice.  
  
"Sounds good to me." They both glanced up at the knock on the door, followed by Bulma's request to come in.  
  
Trunks' eyes narrowed, but a glance at Goten made him grudgingly call out, "You can come in, but no one else!"  
  
"I'm coming in too, Brat," was the growled response of a familiar Prince of the Saiya-jinn, and Goten immediately went white as the door opened and Trunks' parents entered the room. The door was slammed shut in the faces of the cameramen once more as Trunks watched Goten look nervous.  
  
Bulma wore a pleased look on her face while Vegeta simply smirked, crossing his arms.  
  
"I thought you weren't going to figure it out until the wedding night, Brat," the prince declared and Trunks had to fight hard not to blush.  
  
"Well, Mom changed his looks and voice. It was only his dorky mannerisms that helped me figure it out!" he declared, ignoring Goten's pout at his words. "And I want to know what exactly the hell you were thinking when you planned this entire thing."  
  
"I told her to think up a plan." His father's words made Trunks' jaw drop, along with Goten's. "You and Kakarrot's brat were too stupid to figure out that you both loved each other, and I told her to think of a way to get you two to admit it. I didn't think she'd be this extreme, but that's what I get for telling a human woman to be romantic. Besides, Bra can continue the line of royalty." This time it was Bulma's turn to pout.  
  
"This entire thing was incredibly romantic, and it will earn us money!" she protested.  
  
"And my mannerisms are not dorky!" Goten added, earning a disbelieving look from the family. After a moment, he hung his head and mumbled, "Well, not /all/ of them."  
  
"Don't worry, Chibi. Your mannerisms are cute. Dorky, but cute." The Son brightened a little as the two half Saiya-jinn shared a grin. "Um, and could you please take off the fake breasts? They're really, really scary."  
  
"Hey, I thought I had a nice fake rack!" Goten objected even as he undid the stuffed bra and pulled it out from under his shirt.  
  
Vegeta shuddered. "Please, Kakarrot's brat, let someone burn that hideous thing. I'm going to have nightmares for weeks after seeing that dangling from your hand."  
  
"Sorry, Chibi, but that is just plain scary." Trunks had averted his eyes from the white object hanging from the Son's fingertips. "You'd better not plan on cross-dressing a lot."  
  
"Oh please, it's just a bra!" Bulma snorted as she snatched the aforementioned underwear from a bewildered Goten's hand. "It isn't like you haven't seen one before, Vegeta."  
  
The Saiya-jinn scowled. "Shut up, woman."  
  
"Anyway," Bulma began, ignoring her glowering husband as she beamed at her son, "I thought up Married by Japan. Of course, I had to get Goku and Chi-Chi to help out, but that wasn't too hard. Gohan was the one who pitched the idea to the television station last year." She smiled gently at Trunks, who was too stunned to speak. "We all want you two to be happy."  
  
"Bulma and Marron helped me cross-dress," Goten piped up, offering Trunks another goofy grin. "And Bra's the one who designed the jewelry that would alter my voice and tame my hair for the time being."  
  
"Cross-dressers of the world will flock to our stores!" Bulma interjected, beaming at her youngest child's accomplishment as Trunks shook his head in astonishment.  
  
"Somehow, I don't think I want to know all the details," he commented, his tone dry, before he smiled at Goten. His expression shifted to one of tenderness. "I would have told you before, but I thought, well, you were in love with Paris and therefore quite heterosexual."  
  
"You know, Trunks, I think I need to teach you about something called bisexuality. Apparently, your parents wanted to protect your innocence-" Goten laughed and easily ducked the random object thrown at his head.  
  
"Chibi, you're cute but not /that/ cute." The grin on the lavender- haired man's face belied his words, and he ignored his parents as they rolled their eyes.  
  
"Of course I am!"  
  
"Well, someone's a tad cocky when he's just about to get married," teased the president of Capsule Corporation even as Goten smiled another goofy grin.  
  
"Yes, well, that's because I'm an optimistic sort of guy. Haven't you noticed?"  
  
Trunks' only reply was another laugh and a step closer to the other man, the bright light of love in his sapphire gaze. "Come on, Chibi, the pitiful audience is awaiting us."  
  
"I hope you're not throwing my parents into that bunch."  
  
"Well, Kakarrot /is/ a pitiful excuse of a Saiya-jinn-"  
  
"Vegeta!"  
  
Even as Bulma began to scold her husband, Trunks and Goten linked arms and grinned at each other.  
  
"Well, it's time to get married by Japan," Goten announced, pressing closer to his future husband. His dark eyes were filled with happiness as he smiled at the man he'd loved as far back as he could recall.  
  
"Wait, aren't you supposed to wear white?" Trunks said, a soft snicker escaping his lips. "I've got a white tuxedo you could wear."  
  
Within a few minutes, Goten was dressed in a pure white tuxedo that complimented his dark looks and Trunks' pale blue tuxedo. As they began to waltz from the room towards the stage, leaving Bulma and Vegeta still arguing, the Son suddenly hesitated. "Um, Trunks?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Um, who's going to be on top-tonight, I mean?"  
  
Trunks simply smirked and stepped out into the blinding lights where the world waited.  
  
-Finale- 


End file.
